Expert listening

When we pay someone attention incredible things can happen.

But to pay attention properly requires mastery of this one skill: listening.

There are five levels of listening: novice, amateur, semi-pro, pro and expert.

The first level of listening is ‘ignoring’ which, technically isn’t listening at all and is best left to the novices.

We all know what it feels like to be half-listened to.

This is the second level of listening, amateur.

Pretending to hear when really we’re just waiting for our turn to speak

Or more likely, interrupting when we get bored.

Amateur listening says ‘when is it my turn’?

The third level of listening is what most of us use most of the time.

It’s when we engage with what the other person had said.

But only the select bits that interest us.

So we can use them as a jump-off point to talk about ourselves.

Semi-pro listening says ‘that’s just like me’.

When we’re trying really hard we can achieve level four listening.

It’s when we’re actually paying attention to what the other person is saying and resisting the temptation to add our own thoughts and responses to the conversation.

Pro listening says ‘I’m hearing what you’re saying’.

But if you want to go expert with your listening, you need to aspire to level 5.

It’s listening underneath and around the words.

It’s the comfortable silence that gently encourages.

It’s the simplest of invitations to ‘say more’.

It’s the empathy to hear feeling.

It’s reflecting what has been said and what’s being felt.

The kind of listening that makes us feel we’ve been seen - not just heard.

Expert listening says ‘I understand what you mean.’

In school we’re taught to read and write.

But we’re not taught how to speak.

And though we may be told to do it often enough, we’re definitely not taught to listen.

The Chinese character for ‘listen’ is called Ting and it has four parts: eyes, ears, undivided attention and heart.

Level 5 listening, expert listening, is listening with your heart.

When you master level five listening you’ll know what it finally feels like to actually hear.

And when an expert listens to you with their heart, you’ll know what it feels like to be truly understood.