Letting go of judgement

As a creative, your taste is your North Star.

So why, at 43, have I decided to turn mine off?

As an aspiring theatre director, figuring out my taste was essential. 

And to do that I had to sit in judgement.

I would ask myself;

do I like this? 

Is it clear? 

Is it any good?

By working out what I wanted to see and hear

I began to figure out what I wanted to say and do. 

Using the external to get to the internal.

And so, my taste eventually became my identity;

once I had confidence in what I liked

I could begin to express who I was.

I did this through curation -

selecting based on standards and then sharing those selections.

Or I did it through creation - 

making something from my imagination manifest in the real world.

But as I’ve got older

those same standards have become a weight

anchoring me to the past.

Times change. 

So too with them fashions

styles

aesthetics. 

Suddenly my taste is out-dated

my standards from a different time. 

Similarly

that same need to define my identify by what I like has evolved;

now I am not how good what I show and say is

but how clearly I see and hear.

But most of all

I want to turn off the filter of judgement.

To stop asking 

Do I like this?

Would I prefer it to be different?

Better?

And start accepting things as they are.

So thank you judgement

You helped me show and tell.

But from here

I think I’ll just watch and listen.

And accept.